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2003-07-25 - 1:56 p.m.

I've gone through 1.5 boxes of tissue in just under a week. I am a truly pathetic human being.

I also just realized that I am in fact turning into a scary Jewish grandmother by giving everyone updates on my health. Sorry about that, ya'll. Really.

Woke up this morning with a sweet little girl cuddled in next to me. Then R wrapped her up in the comforter and made a little den for her in the blankets. She was completely ensconced, and was quite possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen in my whole life. I am definitely appreciating cats for who and what they are (although I still prefer the blind adoration of a dog--since I tend to adore my pets blindly).

So I've decided to come out with my big secret--I've been doing Weight Watchers since April. I put on about 30 pounds in the 6 months following my wedding, and came to the conclusion that there was really no end in sight unless I dealt with this. And that although I wanted to be skinny and gorgeous, dahling, the bigger matter was that I needed to be healthy, and my increasingly severe mood swings induced by lack of food or excess of sugar did NOT bode well for the diabetes factor lurking in my family history. Nor did the extra weight bode well for the heart problems lurking in the history. And although I love my parents and think they are the most wonderful and beautiful people in the world, I saw where I would wind up in 30 years if I didn't deal with my unhealthy eating/exercise habits now. And I decided I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be physically active and confident in what my body could do. And yes, I wanted to look better and feel better about my body. I've always been a full-figured woman, so rest assured, I'm hardly setting a goal of Kate Moss proportions.

I've lost almost 20 pounds so far. In the process, I've been eating a lot more vegetables and drinking a lot more water. I've learned about sensible portions of foods, and I've learned when not to be sensible. And most importantly, I've learned to take ultimate responsibility for everything I put in my mouth. I'm aware of how everything I eat affects my body. This isn't to say that I don't occasionally eat more than I should or have two ice cream sandwiches in one day. But I'm aware of it, and I'm aware of what food can and cannot do for me. As a result, I enjoy my food a lot more.

In addition to the weight loss, as I've reduced my sugar intake, my mood swings became less severe. I can still get pretty bad, but I'm able to control it much better than I did before. I also try to never let myself get really hungry. Diabetes is just a place I really don't want to go, and the more I learn about it the more I feel that I'd be foolhardy not to be aware that I have some significant risk factors. And most of those risk factors can be dealt with or ameliorated by getting to a healthy weight and exercising.

 

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