in a slightly better mood

2004-04-27 - 3:57 p.m.

I know sooner or later we'll get a place. We've been close at least once, and I know rationally this can't go on forever. Still--with one or two exceptions, this is the most sickening process I've ever gone through. Mondays I go through a low level of excitment, trying not to get my hopes up too much but still secretly dreaming of living in whatever property we've bid on. Monday nights I get the news that there are 4-11 other contracts, and my heart sinks. I spend Monday night in a funk, which settles into a full depression by Tuesday noon when I know for sure we can't have gotten the house. I spend the rest of Tuesday and Wednesday convinced I'll never move out of the stupid apartment. Thursday, the new listings start to come out, and I start to perk up. Maybe this will be the weekend we get accepted! After all, this can't go on forever! Saturday we look at houses, debating what we can and can't afford. Sunday we figure out our game plan, and the whole sick cycle begins again. I'm at the point where I drive by townhouses and feel a passionate upwelling of bitterness and envy for all the people who live there. I feel like all my friends in DC have a cute little house and we'll never get there.

Still, our options don't look that great. We can sit this out for six months or so, saving up some more money and possibly qualifying for a higher loan. But places are rising by $10,000-$50,000 every month--that's not a gamble I feel comfortable taking. Sure, the interest rates might go up and people might stop buying. But what if the interest rates go up a lot? Then we still won't be able to afford a place. I think we need to strike now.

If it wasn't for my running I think I'd be going insane. I'm finding myself actually looking forward to my runs. Saturday I start running for nine minutes, walking for five (instead of 5 minutes running, 5 walking). Right now the 5 minutes are getting easier, so I'm concentrating on speed. I'm doing a 5k in July and then I'll see where to go from there. I have a suspicion I'll be an endurance runner, just as I was an endurance swimmer when I was a kid. That bodes well for my eventual marathon plans, but I don't want to make any sweeping announcements.

In a couple weeks R and I are heading off to Humboldt to see my parents for a long weekend. Words can't even begin to describe how much I'm looking forward to it. When my soul feels bruised, nothing is better than being back behind the Redwood Curtain. No earthly house of worship can even begin to compare to those trees. I can't wait to get back. We'll take the big dog for a run through the forest. We'll go out on the river. I'll soak up some time on the Plaza, hanging out at Moonrise Herbs and filling in the gaps in my Fire & Light collection.

And who knows? Maybe we'll even have a house by then.

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